There is a lot I could talk about, a lot I may need to explain, but that will happen when I am in ranting mood about a particular subject.
I shall start with a brief outline. (If you haven't already please read my description to the right of this blog).
My goal is success, happiness, love, self actualisation.
I am currently at university, I live with girls, I do not have male friends, not close anyway. You know how everyone has a different front in different situations, well it is this front I need to change, the person who my friends, who the people in the town I go to university in, my fellow students, the person they see is not the person I want or am in my head and my heart. It is a person who has come from doing just enough to get a long, from "a shyness that is criminally vulgar" to quote the Smiths.
I need to achieve success in university as well as at home. Almost 22 I have never had a girlfriend, never even been kissed, so as you'd expect there is natural low self esteem and fear. I often fall into self pity and depression, I often get down, I am easily triggered and quite weak, this is the side effects of what remains from my depression.
Tomorrow I drive back down to university having spent the weekend at home. It all begins when I get back, time to reshape who I am. Elvis was not always Elvis, he became Elvis. Maybe that was through circumstance, something right now I cannot change, but I can work on changing me.
There are also targets in terms of my fitness and health, I am skinny but unfit. Depression brought a lot of chest pains, bad diet and no exercises from the depression has meant my endurance is poor, I get a tight chest exercising, out of breath quickly.
Who do I want to be? A man! Someone with power, respectful, respected, honourable, honoured, loving, loved, a role model, a success, envied but adored. Just enough is not enough anymore. We must live, achieve, become.
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